De Dakter's Kure ©

Taking a ♀ to Bed

2008-03-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

What is the difference between ♀ aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58.

68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

A Park in South Korea

2008-03-01T10:21:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or are Koreans are a bit too liberal? I'll let you decide...

How could they?

2008-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

I found this really hard to believe….

…can you believe anyone would drink Jack Daniels and Coke without ice?!

Relationships

2008-01-13T03:06:00.000-08:00

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." David Bissonette

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. " Sacha Guitry

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together." Hemant Joshi

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates

"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them." Dumas

"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is: "What does a woman want?" Sigmund Freud

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me." Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran

" I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up." Nash

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..." Anonymous

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to." Henny Youngman

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." Milton Berle

"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy." Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

The Situation

2007-12-19T03:11:00.000-08:00

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes tothe drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying,the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you?I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair andimpeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of theof the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good Morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her becauseof my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa,and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, mylegacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. Howeve, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent,places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You try again."

So here you go simple isn't it. You just try again.

DeDakter

You know what to do

2007-12-19T02:54:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom

"Today is a great day.

Be happy and smile that you woke up this morning, took a breath, and started another day.

It's easy to rush through your day and to layout the game plan, but sometimes it's better to just go with the flow because as things unfold, you already know what you should say and do."

Have wonderful day everyone

DeDakter

Amusing

2007-10-25T02:16:00.000-07:00

Someone sent me these pics. I thought some of them were very amusing. I hope they bring a smile to your face.

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A dumb hungry fat guy goes into a restaurant. He puts his hand up to the waiter. The waiter comes and the customer asks "Waiter do you serve pigs?"
The waiter with a slightly confused look on his face answers " Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."

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There was this lady who was rushing to her train. She rushes to the station master and asks "Is this my train?"
To that the dumb station master answers "No Ma'am it belongs to the railroad company!"

Annoyed the lady looks at him and says "Don't try to be funny. I meant to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi?"
He answers with a stupid smile on his face " No Ma'am, I am afraid its too heavy." !!!!!

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How men die for women

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What a GENIUS

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Awwwwhhhhhhhhhh

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In case you were wondering : 0117 280 0000

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If you have trouble waking up...
…Here is one way out

Find The Pin - You need to find the right pin to stop it's ringing!!
Still feeling sleepy after this mission?!

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That's one seriously strong milk

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Poor little Jimmy

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Moral of the Story:
Friends may not be able to pull you up…
BUT… They will still think of ways not to let you fall!

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Painted Hand. Very cool

I hope you all have a great day and enjoy

PMS

2007-09-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

I found this to be very amusing and in alot of the cases very true. I hope it puts a smile on your face just like it did me.

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid- Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimple May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff .......and my favorite one.

13. Potential Murder Suspect

And as an example

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! and do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW tochange a light bulb! They don't even know that thebulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! Butif they did, by some miracle of God, actually findthe bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged tostand on to change the STUPID light bulb &n bsp;wouldSTILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAMEIN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THEGARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALLSUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOTDEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE! I'm sorry. What was your question?

To My Mom

2007-08-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

Love cannot come close to describe what you mean to me
You are my light when I am in darkness
You are the answer to every prayer I have ever made
I am sorry for being obnoxious at times; you do not deserve that
I am sorry. If only you knew how much you mean to me
I love you so much nothing can explain it
I miss you so much
I miss your tender heart and warm kisses
I miss seeing you in front of me; watching you staring and thinking
You care so much for us it is purely heavenly
Thank you for everything thank you for being there when I was in my worst
Thank you for loving me so much expecting nothing in return
I love you for everything that you are
Thank you for being my MOM

My Dad's Advice

2007-08-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Take good care of yourself son and look at the world with beautiful eyes
Life around you is beautiful only if you know where to LOOK

Be OPTIMISTIC no matter what

as for every descent there is an ascent

We all know this, but there's something beautiful about hearing it from your Dad.

JOKE

2007-07-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

Before returning from my holiday I was hangin out with my brother whom I haven't seen in almost 4 years! He told me a joke which I thought is pretty funny especially if u act it out.

It goes like this:

3 guys wanted to rob a bank. Now each of them has a drug of choice.

Guy 1 is into heroin

So he shoots up, looks at his 2 mates and says "guys I have a plan." " We fly into the bank, huver over the counter all the way back to the safe the take the safe and fly back out undetected."

Guy 2 is into cocaine

He takes a sniff, looks at his 2 mates and says "guys I have another plan." "We enter the bank fucken shoot everyone then go to the safe blow it up, get the money. We then go out shoot everyone and get the fuck away."

Guy 3 is into weed.

He takes a few puffs, sits down, and looks at his 2 mates.

He then says "Guys I like your plan, aaaand I like your plan."

*Can we do it tomorrow?"

:) hehe

Peace

De Dakter

Curves

2007-07-24T16:39:00.001-07:00

What attracts us to curves? They just make life a bit more interesting.

How bout this one?:

It looks crazy doesn't it? but definitely interesting...

I love the colours in this one:

OK. ok I know. Am rambling on about curves bla bla bla...

TIME to see some living curves...

I am sure most of you by now agree that curves are intensely uplifting :)

Have you seen any interesting curves recently?

Let me know...

Enjoy

De Dakter

Chicken

2007-07-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

I went out to Nando's today with a bunch of friends from work. In case you don't know what Nando's is then I will tell you. Its a Portuguese inspired chain that serves chicken along with there famous Peri Peri sauce. If you like spicy chicken well Nando's is the place for you. I personally prefer beef but Nando's chicken is a good alternative to a good steak (more or LESS)

Anyway It was 4 fine ladies, a friend, and I. We started talking about fetishes. Some of the things some people are into are incredible. It got me thinking. Everyone must have a fetish of some sort or another. I mean we are all different and sexually charged in some way.

I will tell you what some of the fetishes are cause I'm sure u might be a bit curious....

I will refer to the ladies as L1 L2 L3 L4 and to my friend as F.

L1: Like golden showers!.! You would not guess in a millions years that she could be into that. Damn girl but hey whatever floats ure boat...

L2: was kinda shy at first but a few beers got her to loosen up a bit... She loves chinese guys!!! She says she loves fucking them but she would not think of marrying them.... And to that I add whatever puts a smile on that face...

L3: I have to admit she looks so innocent and sweet that her fetish kinda surprised me a bit. She loves to be tied up and spanked so that her ass is bright red. Sounds awesome doesn't it?

L4: She loves being at risk of getting caught in the act. I love that. Puts you on the edge.

F: Well he's not so complicated and his fetish is big MASSIVE REAL MaMmArY glands. Yep he's a suckers for big tits.

I personally don't really care if they're big or small. Doesn't really matter. What matter to m ethough apart from the obvious, like the face, is FEET. I love pretty feet. Actually after meeting a girl, the first thing I look at after their face is her feet.

What do u think...? Do you have some interesting fetishes? Let me know... I just hope its not CHICKEN

Peace

De Dakter

BE HAPPY SMILE

2007-07-24T11:54:00.001-07:00

De Dakter

HOLIDAY

2007-07-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

I just got back from holiday a week ago. I had an amazing time. I went back home and it was beautiful. The weather was nice a sunny. I got such a great tan :)

Unfortunately since I got back to England I started a night shift so the memories of the sun kinda faded pretty damn quickly. The weather here is bloody horrible. I mean it looks more like Bangladesh then England. Raining all the time and flash flooding. NASTY

I love the ocean/sea. I love being close to it. It's the view that I love... Sunsets are damn beautiful.

Anyway attached above is a painting I like to call Blazing sunset... It was once hot day on the mediteranean coast and the colours were so vivid. I really hope u enjoy it.

Peace

De Dakter

Hopefully depressed!

2007-07-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

This is my first posting ever. Ever!? Yes ever. I am what you call a blogging virgin ready to be raped by the blogmatrix. I do not intend to take any of this seriously.

I will talk a bit about something that constantly haunts me, HOPE. I wonder what life would be like if hope was lost. I truely believe that us humans in some way or another need hope to survive. Feeling hopeless is definitely the ultimate cause of human misery. I have seen people in incredibly horrible physical states who survive through it because of one thing and one thing only. Yes you guessed it. Hope.

Consider truely depressed people. One of the main features of their depression is the lack of hope. It causes them to give up, to fuse into nothingness, TO UN-EXIST.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you cared so much for? Have you ever had you heartbroken by someone? I am sure we all have. Shame really, but part of life i feel. Do you think loss of hope is a cause for the sadness that ensues?

The picture I have added is one that I have painted to a dear friend of mine. You know who you are :) and this blog's first entry is dedicated to you bro. At the time I painted it I was feeling a bit like that creature in the painting. The dark blue reflects the colours of my inner demons at the time. I have called that painting hopefully depressed. Now you might wonder how is that possible? since I just described how hopelessness is one of the pillars of depression. Well my answer is this. FRIENDS. TRUE FRIENDS. They are the hands that lift you from your sand pit of infinite torture and into the shining twinkle of existence.

I hope you are all hopeful.

Hopeful In a better tomorrow. In a safer existence. In a stable life....etc...

My perspective is a bit more bleak.....

Hopefully depressed

De Dakter